“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 NKJ
Researchers say the leading causes of divorce are financial issues, infidelity, poor communication, and addictions. While those are all sited reasons for divorce I don’t believe they are the root cause. The root cause of divorce is two unprepared and untrained people entering into the marriage union before they are ready to handle the stresses that come with marriage. This leads them to walk in a marriage in their limited understanding of love and commitment and eventually causes them to pull away from their spouse and seek a divorce. They do not know how to express their own needs, how to get their needs met, or how to meet their spouse’s needs in a healthy way.
In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 Paul isn’t saying people should never get married. He is warning the people of the difficulties that come with marriage so they are prepared to make a wise decision for themselves before they enter the marriage union. This is why he says, “I want you to be without care.” Notice how he says a single person cares for the things of the Lord and seeks to please him and a married person cares for the things of the world and seeks to please their mate. This is so true and it is the key to understanding, in order for a person to be prepared to enter the union of marriage healthy, whole, and full of wisdom.
I speak to single men and women daily who have a burning passion within their hearts to be married. They don’t like being alone and have a desire to share their lives with someone else. This is understandable but I always tell them it is better to wait for the right person than to rush into a marriage relationship with the wrong one. Then I ask them a question that inspires them to think beyond their immediate thought of wanting to be married. I ask, “Do you like cleaning up your own messes and have you taken the time to do it? And do you know who you are IN Christ and are you fulfilling His purpose for your life?” They look at me funny and then say, “What do you mean?”
To that I respond, “I mean, have you taken the time to seek the Lord and heal from your past and do you know how to deal with issues that come up in your own life? Are you solid in your relationship with Christ and are you following the plan He has for you? Do you have a healthy self esteem and do you know how to communicate your needs, prepared to meet the needs of another person, and do you know how to deal with conflict when it arises? And are you prepared to clean up the messes of a person who cannot answer yes to these questions? If not, you are not ready for a marriage relationship.”
This set of questions make people reexamine their burning passion to be married and the ones who take these words to heart enter a new phase in life where they seek the Lord for wisdom and understanding in regards to marriage. It is important to understand that Paul is talking to believers in this passage. The divorce rate in the church is equal to the divorce rate in the world today but it doesn’t have to be this way. The church is supposed to be a place where people go to receive salvation, healing, equipping, and mentoring for every area of life. But unfortunately this is not the case in many churches and as a result, the people in churches are just as ill-equipped to deal with life as people who never enter a church environment.
Divorce is one of the most devastating experiences a person will ever walk through and many people never heal from the trauma they suffer from it. By the grace of God and in seeking the Lord for healing they can recover; but if they don’t, many people’s lives are affected as a result. As the body of Christ we have the responsibility to teach, train, and mentor young people and adults alike in regards to marriage, so less people will have to suffer the effects of divorce. A unified body, working together, using their gifts and talents, can effect a change in the church, if we are willing to work together as a team!
Marriage was never intended to lead a person down the path of divorce. It was intended for two people to come together and work towards common goals that are a part of their God given purpose in life. For the New Covenant believer it is to be a holy matrimony rooted in the solid foundation of Jesus Christ, for the fulfillment of His will to bring Him glory! In order for this to happen both people have to be rooted and grounded IN Him before they ever join together as one flesh because if not; the shaky foundation will crumble when the earthquakes of marriage hit. In tomorrow’s devotion we will look at this more in depth so you gain a better understanding of the importance of waiting and choosing a healthy mate.
The prayer for today for all who read this and are married is to pray for those who are single. Also pray for your marriages to become healthy and whole in all areas. If you are in an unstable relationship pray that God grants you wisdom to know what to do. If you are married to an unsaved spouse read what Paul says you are to do in 1 Corinthians 7. For all of you who are single ask the Holy Spirit to grant you wisdom and understanding as we embark on this three day journey into what it means to wait and to choose a healthy mate.
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