I Am Not Who I Was! I Am Being Remade! I Am New!

If you knew me in my years of rebellion against God and man you would have shaken your head in disbelief for the choices I made in my life! I smoked, drank, used drugs, and slept around. I cussed like a sailor. I lied to, cheated, and deceived people. I was a fighter and I was a very angry person who jumped at the opportunity to fight with words or actions. My life was in shambles and I was spiraling out of control at a high rate of speed! I could never deny the worst people could say about me back then because most of it was true.

But when the voice of God spoke to me in my early twenties and asked me to give my life over to Him I accepted His invitation because I knew if I didn’t it was only a matter of time before I died from my choices or ended my life out of desperation.

In the years following that encounter with God voices of shame, doubt, fear, and worry bombarded my mind telling me there was no way God would fulfill His promise from Romans 8:28 where Paul says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” But day after day I peered into the Word and I spent time in the presence of God through prayer, meditation, and song, and I battled against those voices; telling them to be silenced in the name of Jesus.

As I was obedient to take my thoughts captive God was faithful to remind that I am not defined by the mistakes I have made. He would remind me that I am a new creation, forgiven, holy and dearly loved, righteous and made in His image! He says I am chosen and He says I am being remade each day into the woman He created me to be.

But during that time something interesting happened. I turned 180 degrees in the opposite direction from my poor choices lifestyle. I became an ultra conservative, “holier than thou” religious fanatic because it was me trying to be right and do right for God because I thought it was what He wanted from me. I tried to do everything right! I tithed and gave offerings. I didn’t cuss. I didn’t drink, smoke, or use drugs. I didn’t sleep around. I only listened to Christian music. I attended as many church services and classes as I could.

My life was squeaky clean in terms of my words and actions but what is interesting is that I found myself to be just as miserable on the inside as I was when I was living in complete rebellion. I didn’t understand it because I thought I was doing right for God and I thought that the more I did right the better I would feel about myself and my relationship with Him.

And then one day the voice of God spoke to me again and told me that I am not defined by the choices I make and that includes the good choices. He said “Holly you are chosen and holy not because of what you do or do not do but because of what I did when I sent my Son to die for you on the Cross! You are dearly loved not because you love me but because I first loved you! You are dead to the old man not because you crucify your flesh each day but because I crucified my own flesh for you! You are hidden in Me not because you signed your name on a salvation card in ink but because I signed your salvation card in My own blood on the Cross!”

His words shook the foundations of my beliefs and shocked me into the truth of the reality of what being a new creation in Christ really is. I finally came to realize that all that I am in Christ has nothing to do with me but it has everything to do with what He did for me on the Cross! I am forgiven because of what He did for me on the Cross! I am righteous in the eyes of God because of what He did for me on the Cross! I am made new because of what He did for me on the Cross! I am holy because of what He did for me on the Cross! My life is not my own no matter what I do or do not do! It is not my own because my life now belongs to Him and He defines my life by the choices He made for me when He shed his blood for me on the Cross!

There is nothing I can do or not do to make Him love me more or make Him love me less. There is nothing I can do or not do to make Him accept me more or make Him reject me. It is not about me any longer! It is all about Him and what He did for me! I no longer have to live in the shadows of shame and I no longer have to live in the spotlight of “perfect Christianity”. It is in Him that I live and move and have my being! (Acts 17:28) And who I am is not defined any longer by what I do or do not do. It is ONLY defined by what He has done! This is the truth I want you to know for yourself today whether you are living in rebellion and making poor choices or whether you are living for God and making right choices.


To Him neither one matters! The only thing that matters to Him is the impact it will have on your life if you fully accept what He did for you on the Cross! You are new! You are New! You are chosen and holy and you are dearly loved! You are forgiven, beloved, and hidden in Christ! You are made in the image of the giver of life! You are accepted and worthy! You have been given a new name! Believe it! Accept it! And as you do you will begin to live in it!

The burdens of shame or perfection will be lifted and you will feel comfortable being yoked to the One whose burden is light! You will be filled with His peace and joy and you will begin to feel comfortable in your own skin. Believe me it is the most amazing feeling you will ever experience in this life! There truly is nothing like knowing who you are in Him and accepting your rightful position as a part of the royal priesthood of the Most High King!