In the last blog I said I was going to write about the meaning of Christ's death and resurrection. Before I do I am going to write a couple of personal stories and post two videos for you to view.
When I watched the movie, “The Passion of the Christ” my whole life changed! Before this movie I had always envisioned Jesus hanging on the Cross with a few drops of blood trickling down His face. This image though disturbing, didn’t have the impact on me that the images Mel Gibson portrayed in the movie did. My entire life I had seen pictures of Christ sitting in green meadows surrounded by children and holding a lamb in His arms. Or I imagined Him dressed in royal attire walking with His disciples down a dirt road. Though inspiring they did little to empower me to become a Christ centered individual. In fact they left me feeling squeamish and a little ashamed to be honest. These images were in dire contrast to the life I lived and I never really could wrap my mind around being in that place myself because I knew the darkness that lived inside of me.
You see what I began to do in my life was I tried to live up to an expectation that I thought God had of me, to be sweet and gentle, and put together. I tried to speak softly and treat people kindly only to find myself annoyed and angry most of the time. I tried to be a good friend only to find myself judging people when they didn’t live up to my expectations. No matter how hard I tried to be perfect and imitate Christ I failed. When I looked in the mirror I saw a woman who yelled at my children, had impure thoughts, and was oftentimes self- absorbed with little or no time for others.
I found myself walking away from the mirror and feeling like I could never measure up. I cried out to God for years asking Him to make me like Jesus! I wanted to be gentle and kind. I wanted to have it all together and make the right choices in life. I guess what I wanted was to be perfect! I wanted the images in the mirror to go away! When I saw this movie and realized who Jesus really was and what He went through during his last days of life, everything changed for me! I began to see the dark side of Jesus! I am not saying Jesus was dark, for in Him there was no darkness. I am saying I saw the darkness that He walked in everyday and the impact it had on the people around Him. His friends were thieves and sluts and liars. He didn’t judge them, He loved them and because of that love, they changed! I then began to look back on my life at times when I lived in darkness and I began to envision Christ sitting with me, loving me! I began to reframe my past and this is what I saw.
When I chose to walk away from Him, He CHOSE to follow me no matter where I went. Here is where we went together and what He did for me in those dark places. When I chose to get drunk and make a fool of myself, He CHOSE to sit with me and didn’t condemn me! When I chose to have sex with strangers, He CHOSE to lay down with me, call me His bride, and never called me a slut! When I chose to lie and manipulate, He CHOSE to whisper His love and acceptance in my ear! When I chose to hate people and I used words to destroy them, He CHOSE to speak words of encouragement and hope! When I chose to kill my children through abortion, He CHOSE to restore my body and give me more children! I could go on forever but you get the point!
HE CHOSE TO DIE FOR ME SO THAT I COULD LIVE! HE CHOSE TO SUFFER FOR ME SO THAT I COULD BE HEALED! HE CHOSE TO BE HATED FOR ME SO THAT I COULD BE ACCEPTED! MY JESUS BLED AND DIED FOR ME! This was no small task! This cost Him everything but because He loved me, He went through with it. As this reality sunk in I became empowered to learn how to become Christ like! This is when my mission in life began to take flight. I have always befriended the weak and the lost but I think I thought I could somehow save them from the life of destruction I had lived. I changed my thinking and began to gain an understanding of Christ’s death and resurrection and now I allow Christ to live through me, loving them where they are, for who they are, with no strings attached! I am now seeing their lives being changed, not because of me being perfect but because of the perfected life of Christ living through me and loving them through me!
When I look in the mirror now I see the battle scars of wounds I have suffered and I am not ashamed! I see the beauty of a beaten Savior looking back at me who understands my pain and loss. I see the completed work of the Cross and an opportunity to reach others with the love of Christ! I think we have reduced Christ’s sacrifice to the point of it having little or no impact on our lives and because of it the thieves and sluts and liars are not drawn to us. I believe we need to embrace the reality of Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross so that we can live empowered lives of hope and healing for a hurting and dying world to see. I believe it is time for a change! To be continued……….
PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW!
Praise God Holly, that's so awesome that He turned your life around and that you so eagerly and willingly responded and allowed His good works to be done through you. It's so encouraging to meet another believer from the past. I first saw the Passion as an un-believer and walked out scratching my head wondering what that was all about? Now I know. Halleluya!
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